Valentine's Day Compatibility Report
by burst 'N bloom
Summary: Congratulations, LOVINO VARGAS! You have just received your Valentine's Day Compatibility Report, as compiled by the UNITED IN LOVE FOREVER club at HETALIA HIGH SCHOOL! Your first match is: Ludwig Beilschmidt. // AntonioxLovino. LudwigxFeliciano.


**Disclaimer**: Hetalia does not belong to me! I wish it did! I'd make Prussia mine :)

**Pairings**: Antonio/Lovino. Slight Antonio/Feliciano. Ludwig/Feliciano. If I decide to make this longer, it may also border on Gilbert/Lovino, Alfred/Arthur, and more couples as they come.

**Notes: **This actually is based off of my own school. This club hosts this school-wide Valentine's day survey and they make a list of your most compatible matches and least compatible. My teacher also makes it extra credit if you go on a date with someone on your list. Suffice to say, it was quite good inspiration for a story. :)

* * *

_Congratulations, **LOVINO VARGAS**! You have just received your Valentine's Day Compatibility Report, as compiled by the **UNITED IN LOVE FOREVER** club at **HETALIA HIGH SCHOOL**!  
You have selected your sexual preference as **BOTH**.  
The following list of names corresponds to those in your school who have answered the questionnaire in a way that is most compatible to you. The number in the parenthesis lets you know what number you are on their list, and the percentage tells you how compatible you two are!  
Happy Valentine's Day!_

_**Top 5 Most Compatible**_

_1. Ludwig Beilschmidt (5) - 83%_

_2. Elizabeta Héderváry (8) - 80%_

_3. Gilbert Beilschmidt (1) - 79%_

_4. Arthur Kirkland (4) - 72%_

_5. Vash Zwingli (9) - 69%_

_---_

Lovino's eyebrow twitched in disgust.

This was _wrong_. So completely utterly pathetically wrong that it made him want to throw up. Seriously.

Ravaging the sheet with desperate eyes searching for even one appropriate name, Lovino sighed in defeat.

He was just about to crumple the gaudily decorated paper when suddenly someone attacked him at full speed into the springy sofa of his living room. It was all a blur of olive green, the flowery pink and green pattern of the sofa, and then the white of the ceiling when he spluttered in rage.

"Vee~!" Swinging a thin arm around his brother's neck, a cheerful Feliciano Vargas tackled his brother and himself onto the sofa before making himself comfortable and nuzzling his twin brother affectionately. "Fratello! What's that? _No __way_! You got the Valentine's Day report?! Didn't you say it was stupid?"

Lovino wrenched his arm away from Feliciano and scowled darkly at the offending sheet of paper, as if it might burst into flames from the fury in his eyes.

It didn't.

He rolled his eyes and waved the sheet about as he shouted in reply.

"It's that goddamn Bonnefoy! That French bastard is giving us extra credit if we go on a date with someone on our list – most likely cause he's a goddamn creepy voyeur. But damnit, I _have_ to do it because I'm _failing_ right now!" He punched the table as hard as he could (which wasn't that hard) and immediately withdrew, shaking off the pain from the wood with quiet '_ow ow ow'_s.

Lovino was positively seething.

Although really, was a 72% _that_ bad? Was it worth disgracing his pride over?

…

Of _course_ it was, when he had that fucking twin of his getting better grades than him! It wasn't like Feliciano was a rocket scientist himself, but Roma always _did_ like Feliciano more than Lovino. And Feliciano was passing with flying colors right now while Lovino was admittedly scraping the bottom of the barrel for a shot at passing - which meant Roma was going to kill Lovino. In short, he was screwed. And this was his chance to fix the problem – at the cost of his pride.

Feliciano squealed in delight and immediately began to wriggle about in his seat, reaching over to try and take the list from his brother's hands. Lovino tossed it over at the younger twin's face with a scoff and stood up, most likely in search of a drink. He'd hardly made it all the way up when he felt an iron grip on his wrist tugging him back down. Lovino tumbled back onto the sofa to find Feliciano staring intently at the sheet of paper, and then glancing back at his brother with a severe look.

"What is it, you goddamn idiot?!"

Lovino decided it'd be a good idea to ignore the fact that his younger brother had completely overpowered him a minute ago and chose instead to scathingly glare at him from the vantage point of the sofa. Feliciano looked thoughtful for a second and then pointed at the sheet with a desperate whine in his voice.

"Fratello~! Let me go on a date with Ludwig pretending to be you! PLEASEEE! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! I tried SOO hard to answer like him on the questionnaire because I _reallllly_ like him, but it didn't _work!_"

"… Who – wait, Ludwig? That potato kraut musclehead?"

Feliciano nodded vehemently, his brown hair flouncing excitedly over his puppy dog eyes.

"Hell no! You are _not_ going on a date with that bastard. I was just going to ask Elizabeta or something – she's probably the only normal one on that thing." (Though, normal was a rather subjective term…)

"But but but, _fratellooooo_! You get more points if you go on a date with your number 1, don't you?" Lovino thought about the idea for a grand total of two seconds and then shook his head.

"I don't care. No brother of mine is dating a fucking potato bastard, and that's final. I'm going to ask Elizabeta so shut up and let go of my arm." Shaking his arm violently, he began to realize the futility of this action. Apparently, Feliciano had been working out. Or something. He smiled sickeningly sweetly at his older brother and shook his head.

"Until you let me go on this date with Ludwig, I will _not_ let go!" Lovino's brows furrowed; since when had his brother become _this_ desperate?

"Goddamnit Feliciano, let me go before I punch you in the face! I swear –"

"No! And while I'm at it, Mr. Germania is offering us the same extra credit opportunity, so I think it'd be a _really_ good idea if you went out with my number 1 and I went out with _your_ number 1!" Feliciano positively glowed at the compromise and continued his bone-crushing grip on Lovino's increasingly paling wrist. It was only when Lovino had glanced down at his hand to see that it was turning blue that he decided to finally admit defeat.

"Ok, ok! God – you know, I'm only agreeing because after the date, you'll see what a total bastard he is. It's not cause you- you have a strong grip or anything. And it's _definitely _not because I care about your happiness. Because I don't!" Huffing, the eldest brother whimpered when Feliciano immediately freed his wrist. Lovino twirled his fragile hand about, trying to get the blood to start circulating again. "H-Hey, when'd you get so strong anyways?"

"Oh~? I've been going to the gym to watch Ludwig work out these days!" A look of blank rapture immediately befell Feliciano's face as he smiled absently. Then he snapped his finger and rummaged through his own backpack to pull out a sheet of paper. "Oh, right! Fratello, you should look at my list! Look!" The thin white slice with gaudy red hearts bordering the outside of it was thrust into Lovino's face promptly, leaving the older twin to grumble awkwardly into the paper.

"Are you serious about me going on this date for you?" Feliciano nodded excitedly, already pleased with the way the day was going. "But we don't look _that_ much alike – besides, who's Antonio Carriedo anyways? Never heard of the bastard." He flippantly waved the paper away and made his way to the kitchen. While filling up a cup of water, he started ranting again. "Oh yeah, and I have to write a paper about the date – actually that means _you_ have to. And take pictures. And he has to sign each page of the paper. And he has to sign the date compatibility sheet." He paused. "Yeah, I think that's it."

"Don't worry fratello, it'll be fine! Vee~ I'm going to make Ludwig fall in love with me~ Yay!" Feliciano squealed and pranced away, leaving a very disturbed Lovino in his wake. Said boy blinked a few times and then swore loudly, running a hand through his hair in desperation. The things he did to please his father were ridiculous.

---

"Hullo there. My name is Feliciano Vargas. As you can see, I'm on your goddamn list of Valentine's Day matches. As it is, I'm currently failing Germania's class and I need extra credit. Please go on a date with me." Lovino emotionlessly thrust a bouquet of blooming red roses into the arms of a surprised stranger in the middle of the semi-empty science hallway.

It had taken one day for Lovino to find out what the bastard looked like through a yearbook, another 3 days to find him in the halls and map out a tentative route that would be good for stalking him, and then another 2 days to swallow his pride and ask the idiot on a date.

No, it did not matter that Antonio Carriedo was a stranger. All that mattered was that Feliciano went on his goddamn date with that potato bastard and that Lovino got the points he needed.

It had admittedly taken a bit more coaxing from Feliciano to get Lovino to actually go through with the plan. After all, Lovino really had nothing to gain from going on this date with Antonio since Feliciano was already poised to ask Ludwig whether Lovino liked it or not. Still, Lovino grudgingly accepted that yes, it'd be a bit of a dick move if he didn't help his brother out with his bad grade too. But really, this was ridiculous.

Lovino had flipped through last year's yearbook half-heartedly and stopped at the name Antonio Carriedo. It was a dumb looking moron with curly brown hair and a stupid smile – clearly not Lovino's type. He huffed loudly and moaned. If he was anything like Feliciano, Lovino knew he might have to kill himself during the date.

Nonetheless, he quickly consented when threatened by a smiling Feliciano. Deciding that traditional would work best for wooing a Feliciano type, he had bought a mass of red flowers and a box of chocolates with the intention of perhaps buying his way through the date.

Then he had to actually do the stalking bits. Which was probably a lot more fun than it should've been. Really.

Lovino had been sifting through the hallways for a head of stupid brown curls for a long time before he finally found it. A dumb laugh and a dumb set of curls were immediately the target of his focus, and he immediately saw said boy talking with a dumb albino.

He watched where the boy went in for his class and scribbled it down into a notebook. Then he proceeded to pretend to be a spy and prowled around the school, marking the territories where Antonio had been spotted.

The whole spy gig was pretty fun, if Lovino had to be totally honest. He was after all, going to be a mafia boss in the future, and this was perfectly good practice. Really. Either way, he had perfected a solid route where he could find Antonio walking alone in case he got rejected. He didn't want the entire world to know, after all. Once he had secured said pathways, Lovino then had to coax himself to actually go through with the stupid idea. It had taken two days of physical coercion and harassment, but eventually he caved.

So there he was, standing in front of Antonio's 5th period classroom, thrusting a pile of wild roses and chocolates into said Spaniard's arms. Lovino tuned back into the real world to hear a friendly laugh.

"Hi there! I'm Antonio Carriedo! If you want to go on a date with me, you should be more enthusiastic, don'tcha think?" He smiled broadly, his lips stretching across his stupid tanned face. Lovino stared back, unimpressed. Pushing the flowers firther into his arms and a box of chocolates into one of the Spaniard's hands, he proceeded to speak as mechanically as possible.

"Yes, you're right. I really should." He paused and considered maybe humoring the boy, but decided against it. "Seriously bastard, just go on this date with me or else. I'll pay and everything."

"You sure know how to flatter a guy!"

"Shut up you Spanish bastard!" Antonio frowned slightly, leaning in to look at Lovino closely.

"Feliciano, was it?" The twin nodded and looked away, slightly peeved at the close proximity of Antonio's face. "It's a good thing that you're so cute or else I wouldn't agree to go on this date with you, with the way you keep calling me a bastard!"

At those words, Lovino's cheeks instantly flared up in an unhealthy shade of crimson. The audacity of that bastard, to call him _cute! _Lovino Vargas was not _cute_. Lovino Vargas was_ hot!_ He quickly tried to suppress his rage by reminding himself that he was supposed to be Feliciano – friendly, cute, and overall annoyingly happy.

"Oh, and you're even cuter when you're blushing!" The older teen squealed happily. "Like a tomato! You're so cute!"

Gritting his teeth in what was supposed to be a smile, Lovino tried to nod and act polite. Antonio cringed at the sorry excuse for a grin, though Lovino didn't notice.

"Y-Yes…" _bastard_ "Thank you"_ for nothing you flaming piece of --- "_ I'm looking forward to our date"_ yeah right. _

"Me too, Feli!" Antonio sent a blindingly cheerful smile at the Italian as he nodded approvingly. "Here's my number – let me know when you want to do this thing! I know I have to sign a bunch of papers, so bring it to the date, and we'll have lots of fun!"

"Right…" _you tomato bastard. _

---

Feliciano Vargas was currently in the school training room, feebly lifting a 10-pound weight in slow bicep curls. He huffed lightly at a persistent strand of hair straggling into his face and continued concentrating on his arm and the dumbbell. Actually, that was a lie. He was actually focusing his attention a little further into the distance, where pure love was sweating in the form of a muscular blonde German boy.

It was true that Feliciano was probably not someone who could pass off as a frequent gym member, but when he realized Ludwig regularly went there after school, it only made sense that Feliciano would have to as well.

And although it would've been nice if he could just stand by the doorway and watch said boy's muscles flexing through a sheen of sweat, that would have probably creeped out a lot of the other boys working out. So he chose not to do that.

On one hand, working out had actually gotten him the upper hand against Lovino so that was a plus for his new exercise routine. On the other hand, it made him even hungrier than normal and he was _sweating_. This didn't sit well with the Italian who squirmed at the mere feeling of exerting any energy at all.

In any case, for all those days spent feebly pretending to work out, he'd never really saw a good opportunity to make his move. He'd never quite had the nerve to bounce on over to talk to the object of his affection when he was wielding 200+ pounds of pure weight across his chest so it was a stroke of golden luck when he saw Lovino's list.

Absolutely perfect.

Most people thought Feliciano was stupid – that was also a lie. In fact, he was actually quite crafty when he wanted to be. And this, friends, was the perfect example of said craftiness.

Ludwig, with beads of sweat running across his exposed arms and forehead (bless the boy! Such muscular arms!), calmly hoisted the weights from his chest and placed them on the rack. He whipped out a towel and began wiping off the sweat carelessly, then wiping down the benchpress table. Feliciano smiled and then sauntered over as casually as he could (taking the time a minute before to quickly trade in his 10 pound weights for something a little bit more substantial like the 30 pounds – though he hadn't expected them to be _that_ much heavier).

Said Italian hovered over the blonde who simply blinked and looked up at the boy.

"Hi, you must be Ludwig!"

"Ah… yes. I'm sorry, I don't think I know who you are…" Ludwig looked positively confused, staring at the brunet with polite bewilderment. Feliciano laughed and moved in closer to make his move.

"Vee~ sorry, sorry! My name is Lovino Vargas! I just – well, you see, I have Mr. Bonnefoy, and he has this thing where if you go on a date with someone on your Valentine's Day Compatibility sheet, you can get extra credit!" He smiled cutely up at the blonde, who had at once understood the message. Ludwig blushed slightly although it wasn't clear whether it was from working out or the idea that this boy was asking him out. "And well.. I don't like to be forward, but you were number one on my list and I just thought…" Feliciano trailed off before glancing up at Ludwig through his eyelashes. Ludwig had the decency to cough before looking away.

"Oh.. Well. I…" Feliciano let out a faint whimper, barely audible (although he _totally_ knew Ludwig would hear it), causing the older blonde to quickly whip back and look at Feliciano. What a mistake (Feliciano instantly cackled in his head at his success).

Because lo and behold, Feliciano was milking all of his signature killer moves for what they were worth in one go. The puppy dog eyes. The quivering lower lip. The slight shuffling of his feet, scuffing one shoe with the other. The 'playing with the hair in a totally coy innocent way'. Ludwig looked absolutely horrified.

"Well, I… suppose it couldn't hurt. One date…" He coughed and looked away again, blushing heavily. This time Feliciano was absolutely sure it was because of _him_, and grinned cheerfully.

Disregarding the slick layer of sweat and Ludwig's current state of undress in a black wifebeater, Feliciano launched himself onto the blonde and hugged him.

"Vee~! Thank you Ludwig! Here, here I wrote my number down! Call me when you want to go, ok? Ok? If you don't call, I'll be really sad, so don't forget to! Ok?"

"Ah… yes." A soft cough. "Lovino? You can let go of me now, please."

"Oh, right! Well, I'll be leaving now then, Ludwig! Bye!"

"… Bye." Ludwig blinked slowly and let out a hefty sigh.

What absolute madness.

* * *

I know, I know. Ludwig, compatible with Lovino?! Right? But well, I dunno. Sake of the story, I guess. But Antonio and Feliciano are ridiculously similar, so I figured a compatibility test would probably put them close together. Elizabeta is in Lovino's list because they both have tempers. Gilbert because the whole swearing, attitude and the fact that I think both of them have serious self esteem issues. Arthur because they're buth tsuderes! And Vash because, well, Vash is pretty trigger happy like Lovino is swear happy? IUNNO.

Review if you enjoyed! ;)

i know this is way past Valentine's Day but whatever :P


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